Smash Cut

A movie mash-up that could happen, er, “Only In My Dreams” is ready to chomp up home theaters in the form of Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. What’s it about? Read the title! Need to know more? It stars brooding, would-be tough guy Lorenzo Lamas, former pop wonder Deborah Gibson, and a slew of not-so-special-yet-thoroughly-enjoyable creature effects.

Don’t believe me? Feast on the tasty trailer below.

Having a bad day?

Maybe this will lift your spirits up.

“Noooooooo! NOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!”

Maybe you wouldn’t even want to, if the above one-sheet poster image is any indication.

One Eyed Monster, in case you must know, is a horror/comedy spoof that stars porn legend Ron Jeremy as an adult film star (gee, no stretch there) whose…uh…”member” (hinted at in the title, dontchaknow) ends up terrorizing the production’s cast and crew when it’s possessed by a nefarious alien presence.

Check out the not-particularly-safe-for-work trailer over at the Official One Eyed Monster Website. The film drops on DVD on April 28.

Whoa, McFly!

Beloved author Roald Dahl always had a slightly sinister sense of humor, and one can’t help but wonder what Charlie and the Chocolate Factory would’ve been like if the eccentric confectioner had been a little less wonky and a cut more nasty.

Well, wonder no longer! Over at the humor website Funny or Die, there’s a hilariously brilliant parody trailer for a phony slasher pic called Gobstopper. The preview features a demonic Willy Wonka taking on some bratty teenagers in pure genre-consistent style. In a bit of casting genius, none other than Christopher Lloyd — Dr. Emmet Brown himself — plays the purple-clad psycho.

Check out the trailer here, and visit the Official Gobstopper Website for more deadly treats.

Also known as Korkusuz, 1986’s Rampage is probably best known (if at all) as the Turkish version of Rambo: First Blood Part II. And by “version,” I mean shameless rip-off.

The thing is, if you’ve never seen a Turkish “adaptation” of a Hollywood hit (such as the legendary Dünyayi kurtaran adam, a.k.a. Turkish Star Wars), then you’re missing out. The flicks may grab everything from their source inspirations with a copyright-infringing zeal that would leave any legal team in the dust, but they spit and whirl those elements with such devilish (or should I say “dervish-like”) glee that they often surpass the originals in terms of pure entertainment value. And Rampage — which is, amazingly enough, from the very same mastermind director of Turkish Star Wars, Çetin Inanç — could deliver the goods in exactly that manner.

What’s Rampage about? A Turkish commando has to kick a lot of bad-guy ass. Whadja think it was about?

Take a look at the amazing Rampage trailer on the DVD’s official website, courtesy of its releasing studio Dark Maze. Or, better yet, have a gander at this clip.

You might not have ever heard of him before, but Hal Ashby was one of the great directors of 1970s Hollywood cinema, right up there, in my opinion, with Francis Ford Coppola, Peter Yates, William Friedkin, Martin Scorsese and Brian De Palma.

Ashby juggled tones and genres like a maestro, and movies like his unforgettable oddball dark comedy Harold and Maude, the star-studded drama Shampoo, or the outrageously funny yet achingly sad The Last Detail seem to come from a wholly unique directorial voice.

One of Ashby’s most acclaimed works is his 1976 biopic of American folk singer Woody Guthrie. Called Bound for Glory, the film chronicled the musician’s Depression-era travels that led him to see America through the suffering yet unwavering eyes of the country’s working class, thus finding inspiration for the now-revered ballads that he would compose. The movie was praised for its evocative depiction of Great Depression-era life and a solid performance from actor David Carradine as Guthrie, and it scored Oscars for its impeccable cinematography and soundtrack.

But if you went to a recent March 18 screening of Bound for Glory that was held by the American Cinematheque in California, then you must’ve witnessed a post-screening Q&A that would’ve made all that praise seem like it was for a totally different movie. Star Carradine and director of photography Haskell Wexler pretty much went at each other during the whole thing, flinging allegations of cocaine abuse, backhanded compliments, full-on insults, questions of authorship, and maintaining a general mood of unending animosity. (Co-star Ronny Cox was on-stage too, but apparently couldn’t get many words in during the fracas.)

Some gems:

Wexler: “I went to Hal and I said ‘Hal, just take a minute and STOP SNIFFING THAT STUFF UP YOUR NOSE!’”

Carradine: “Haskell is a little down on people who snort cocaine…And yes, Hal was a great user of cocaine. It does not change the fact that he was…Quentin Tarantino doesn’t beat Hal Ashby, and he’s one of my favorite directors. Quentin is incredible. And he’s a big cocaine freak, too!”

Carradine: “We had this incredible guy… Do you remember the name of the guy that was the handheld camera guy, that used the suitcase camera?”

Wexler: “Do I remember it? How do you think it got in this film, David? Who do you think planned it? Who did the shots? Look it, David, you fuckin’…”

Carradine: “Somebody will talk to me about Haskell and I’ll say ‘Oh yeah, he’s the guy who got an Academy Award for ruining my picture.’”

For the full story — and I highly recommend you check it out, even if you don’t know the film or any of these key players — go to writer Chris Willman’s blog entry about the evening on the Huffington Post.

Okay folks. So, infamous meltdown aside, is there any real season to see Terminator Salvation? Probably not.

Maybe we oughta be placing bets on director Xavier S. Puslowski (who?), since he’s slamming out a new postapocalyptic sci-fi actioner in the direct-to-DVD market, The Terminators. Yeah, that’s right! This tale of rag-tag resistance fighters duking it out with red- (And blue! Take note, James Cameron’s legal department!) eyed cyborgs that have taken over the planet might not be rolling in uniqueness but, hey, the poster art promises lotsa robots! A ginormous heavy-metal army! Along with Jeremy London and A Martinez. I dunno, I may be scoffing a bit, but Puslowski’s pic clocks in at 90 minutes, which means that, at the very least, it won’t feel bloated. (Terminator Salvation allegedly runs 130 minutes, and longer ain’t necessarily better, kids.)

If you’re dying to learn more info about The Terminators, then check out its official website courtesy of production company The Asylum, creators of another — ahem — brilliant opus, The Day the Earth Stopped. I’m sure a trailer will pop up there when one’s completed.

Are you sick of seeing those ludicrously-overproduced, hyper-slick, celeb-fronted, totally-nonsensical fragrance commercials that basically hawk perfumes without ever letting you know anything about the scent itself?

Well, critically-acclaimed, forever-on-the-lam director Roman Polanski must’ve been fed up with them too, because he’s made a short film (along with artist Francesco Vezzoli) that ridicules those kinds of all-out-hype media that force-feed luxury items down the gullets of the masses. Under the not-so-subtle title of “Greed,” the faux-fragrance commercial features thesp lovelies Michelle Williams and Natalie Portman trading punches when the heady scent of a perfume (guess what its name is, kids) sends them over the edge.

The parody was premiered back on Feb. 6 at the Gagosian Gallery in Rome, but you can watch the entire “Greed” short here, courtesy of Dazed Digital.

Hail, I tell you!