Smash Cut

A movie mash-up that could happen, er, “Only In My Dreams” is ready to chomp up home theaters in the form of Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. What’s it about? Read the title! Need to know more? It stars brooding, would-be tough guy Lorenzo Lamas, former pop wonder Deborah Gibson, and a slew of not-so-special-yet-thoroughly-enjoyable creature effects.

Don’t believe me? Feast on the tasty trailer below.

Maybe you wouldn’t even want to, if the above one-sheet poster image is any indication.

One Eyed Monster, in case you must know, is a horror/comedy spoof that stars porn legend Ron Jeremy as an adult film star (gee, no stretch there) whose…uh…”member” (hinted at in the title, dontchaknow) ends up terrorizing the production’s cast and crew when it’s possessed by a nefarious alien presence.

Check out the not-particularly-safe-for-work trailer over at the Official One Eyed Monster Website. The film drops on DVD on April 28.

Ah, Twitch. You can always count on that site for the best updates, and this one’s no exception: an exclusive presentation of the first trailer for Samurai Princess.

I showed you the scorching one-sheet image above when I first  blogged about this destined-for-cult-classic-status, psychotronic Japanese actioner at the beginning of the month. The poster’s image of lead star/adult video actress Aino Kishi was probably enough to get your tongues wagging, but the preview delivers on many, many more levels, folks. We’re talking explosive breasts and scissor feet here.

Watch the trailer here on Twitch. You can visit the Official Samurai Princess Website for more details as they arrive.

“New Samurai is Born.” Indeed!

From the oh-so-delightfully-twisted minds behind loony Japanese genre fare like The Machine Girl and Tokyo Gore Police (movies that are exactly what their titles describe them to be) comes Samurai Princess. And if the poster pictured above is any indication, then Yoshihiro Nishimura — the director of Tokyo Gore Police and effects supervisor on Machine Girl and Princess — will be three for three with his trifecta of pics that deliver on the promise of their names (not to mention poster campaigns).

Distributor CREi offers this plot description:

Erotic-grotesque action film from Japan to worldwide viewers! Produced by Yoshihiro Nishimura, a world-famous special effects director!

The story takes place sometime, somewhere in a world during the Samurai era, where people live together with highly developed mechanical dolls. However, excessively-developed mechanical dolls start causing harm to the human society, leading to ghastly bloodshed happening all over the place. Under the circumstances, Kyoraku, a mad scientist, creates a female ninja mechanical doll. Equipped with 11 types of built-in weapons, the ninja doll, who will not die even if she is slashed by a sword or shot by a gun, is virtually indestructible.

As of this moment, there’s no Samurai Princess trailer, but there is an official website that is, simply, a mega-image of the poster. Nothing else to check out as of yet, but that does mean that you get an even more ginormous pic of star Yukari Tateishi than the one I’ve hooked you up with.

At this point, you’ve probably all heard or read about the big stink over Brüno’s possible NC-17 rating. Well, you now have a chance to see why the movie (also known as Bruno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner in a Mesh T-Shirt) starring comedian/prankster Sacha Baron Cohen as his gay fashionista alter ego might get slapped with that adults-only banner. I guess you can basically boil it down to a dildo. Or two. In a martial arts class.

Take a look at the brand-new, red-band trailer courtesy of The Movie Box. Just be forewarned: the site requires you to enter your birthday to verify you’re of proper age to see the oh-so-mature goings-on within.

Everybody wants to go Bollywood these days, and I guess the Italian Stallion is no exception, even if it’s just for a walk-on.

Kambakkht Ishq (which is also known as Incredible Love) is an action/comedy/romance/musical vehicle for Indian superstar Akshay Kumar, who can probably do the musclebound-funny-heartthrob character in his sleep at this point. Anyway, Kumar stars as a world-renowned stuntman who’s tops in Hollywood (hence all the guest appearances by celebs and quasi-stars like Stallone, Denise Richards and, allegedly, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Carmen Electra). And yet, for all his glory and fortune, the guy just can’t find the right gal. Naturally, his first encounter with a supermodel (played by the always-enchanting Kareena Kapoor) is like oil and water, but…hey, I wouldn’t have called this movie a part-romance if sparks weren’t going to fly, right? The film is sure to be another one of those jokey “movies about movies” but you can always count on Bollywood to deliver, at the very least, some unbridled energy and glamor.

You can check out the trailer for Kambakkht Ishq, complete with Stallone appearance, over here.

Whoa, McFly!

Beloved author Roald Dahl always had a slightly sinister sense of humor, and one can’t help but wonder what Charlie and the Chocolate Factory would’ve been like if the eccentric confectioner had been a little less wonky and a cut more nasty.

Well, wonder no longer! Over at the humor website Funny or Die, there’s a hilariously brilliant parody trailer for a phony slasher pic called Gobstopper. The preview features a demonic Willy Wonka taking on some bratty teenagers in pure genre-consistent style. In a bit of casting genius, none other than Christopher Lloyd — Dr. Emmet Brown himself — plays the purple-clad psycho.

Check out the trailer here, and visit the Official Gobstopper Website for more deadly treats.

Also known as Korkusuz, 1986’s Rampage is probably best known (if at all) as the Turkish version of Rambo: First Blood Part II. And by “version,” I mean shameless rip-off.

The thing is, if you’ve never seen a Turkish “adaptation” of a Hollywood hit (such as the legendary Dünyayi kurtaran adam, a.k.a. Turkish Star Wars), then you’re missing out. The flicks may grab everything from their source inspirations with a copyright-infringing zeal that would leave any legal team in the dust, but they spit and whirl those elements with such devilish (or should I say “dervish-like”) glee that they often surpass the originals in terms of pure entertainment value. And Rampage — which is, amazingly enough, from the very same mastermind director of Turkish Star Wars, Çetin Inanç — could deliver the goods in exactly that manner.

What’s Rampage about? A Turkish commando has to kick a lot of bad-guy ass. Whadja think it was about?

Take a look at the amazing Rampage trailer on the DVD’s official website, courtesy of its releasing studio Dark Maze. Or, better yet, have a gander at this clip.

I must say, after my first viewing, I think that director Spike Jonze and his stalwart cast and crew seem to have done a potentially good job at adapting a tricky (and very short) children’s book.

Where the Wild Things Are, in case you missed by previous posting, is Jonze’s long-in-production (rumored-to-be-troubled) cinematic version of Caldecott Medal-winning author Maurice Sendak’s classic tale, in which a mischievous young boy who’s sent to bed without his supper embarks on a monster-filled imaginary adventure that leads him back to his mother’s love.

I’ve been eager to see how Jonze’s vision would mesh with Sendak’s, and…it’s different from what I pictured. The director (along with cinematographer Lance Acord) seems shooting for something more akin to realism than fantasy, and that could, frankly, make for a pretty banal movie. But we’ll see.

The brand-new, long-awaited trailer can be viewed here, in standard definition or HD, courtesy of Apple’s trailer page. In case you’re wondering, the music in the preview is the song “Wake Up”, by Canadian band Arcade Fire.

I guess over in Hong Kong they’re sick of seeing Hollywood get all of the giant robot fun — especially when those big metallic humanoids were popular in Asia well before the States — so filmmaker Jeffrey Lau is getting in on the mecha-mayhem with his latest movie, Kung Fu Cyborg.

Lau might not be a particularly familiar name to a lot of U.S. viewers, but you may know a lot of his colleagues. Arthouse fave Wong Kar-wai was a long-time production company partner, and Wong produced some of Lau’s winning comedies like the ultra-cute (yet enjoyably so) Chinese Odyssey 2002 and the nutso martial arts freakout The Eagle Shooting Heroes. Also, Lau helmed the 1994 Monkey King-inspired fantasy A Chinese Odyssey, which starred Chinese box-office sensation Stephen Chow, the ex-director but currently-still-Kato of Seth Rogen’s vanity project, The Green Hornet.

So what’s Kung Fu Cyborg about?

Uh….Kung fu! Cyborgs! What else is there to know?

Right now, not much has come out for the movie, except for a brand-new teaser — emphasis on the “tease” part — which you can viddy-well below.